Naruto and the Pooka Werewolf
by corendel
Summary: From a young age, Naruto was trained by the best of the best ... Crackfic!


Authors Note: Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted anything …. What can I say, I've been reading instead of writing. However, this idea just begged to be written …. So here's an attempt.

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing!

**Naruto and the Pooka Werewolf**

"Jiraiya," spoke the elderly Fire Shadow of Konoha, "I see you have met Naruto."

"He looks just like him, eh?"

"Yes, he has a remarkable resemblance to the Fourth. But, there's no proof he was chosen by anything more than random chance. Indeed, the more time I spend around him, the more I realize just how different he is from Minato."

"What do you mean!?" Jiraiya jumped up. "They are exactly the same! Loud, obnoxious, jutsu-crazed brats … and Bunta likes them both better than he ever liked me …"

The Third chuckled; it was good to see his student again. "You taught him summoning?"

"Yes, for some reason he wasn't that impressed though."

"He uses swords. It's strange. I never like to say anything bad about any of our leaves, but for someone who is so … hopeless … with the standard ninja techniques, he wields the blade like no one I've ever scene before."

"But he's twelve … he can't have mastered swordsmanship so fast. It took Orochimaru years, and he's a genius."

"When he was a young child, he always talked to what I thought then was an imaginary friend. You know how impressionable they are when they're young; I thought it was good for Naruto to have a friend even if he didn't really exist."

Jiraiya said nothing, so he continued. "Then one day I found him out back practicing with a sword. First I was shocked, where did he get a katana? I asked him, and he told me that 'Ninja' told him where to get it. First I was happy, because it was obvious he wanted to become a ninja. I always feel joy when Konoha produces another sapling, especially in Naruto's case where so many people despise him. But then I realized he had to have stolen the sword."

"Sounds like he was being a good ninja to me."

"Exactly! He told me 'Ninja says ninja steal stuff, so it's okay if I take it. I'm a real ninja now! Just like Ninja!'"

"So his imaginary friend was a ninja? Seems to me like he was just playing around, sensei."

"At the time, I thought so to. I let him keep the sword though, and paid for it myself. I had the edge blunted, so it wouldn't be so dangerous. I thought at the time that it would be better to keep Naruto doing something productive, even if it was playing with his imaginary friend, then terrorizing shop keepers in the market… "

"And then he amazed and astounded you by actually learning something, right?" Jiraiya finished. "Minato was the same way. I gave him seals to think about because I was getting annoying with his constant interruptions of my research, and he turns around to become the greatest seal master since, well, a really long time."

"Yes, Naruto did something like that. He … no, I think I'll keep it a surprise. You taught him summoning didn't you? That means you're looking for another apprentice, right? Oh, this will be so much more enjoyable …"

"What! Sensei, what!?"

But the Third couldn't stop laughing.

"Now Naruto, there are some dangerous people out there. They are looking for you, or more specifically the Kyubi, so we are going to go on a training trip. I'll help you get stronger while protecting you. What do you think about that? Don't you want to study with the great Toad Sage?"

"No."

"What!? Come on! I taught summoning, and the Rasengan! I could turn you into the greatest ninja ever, all you have to do is give me the chance!"

"You're nothing! Ninja is the greatest ninja ever!"

"You still talk to your imaginary friend?"

"Ninja is real! Believe it! How else would I have learned all my cool sword moves! Or anything! He's the best teacher ever."

Jiraiya breathed, slowly. Okay, so the brat still talks to his old imaginary friend, and believes he's real. That's ok, he could deal, there are worse things a ninja could be obsessed with. And he could rid him of that with time, after all, he was Jiraiya! But that stuff about sword fighting? Well, originally he had thought Naruto pulled a Fourth and was some sort of closet genius, but he had never seen Naruto use a blade before, and the late Hokage refused had refused to tell him anything. Stupid sensei, stupid blond brats. Why did he keep putting himself though this torture? Why?

"I can teach you how to beat the traitor, how about that? I can teach you how to draw on the demon's chakra within you. That will give you all the power you will ever need."

"How long would we be gone?"

"Three years, why?"

"Well, the Old Man never let me out of the village, and I really didn't have the time to go when we had to search for the Old Lady, but three years should be enough. Yep!"

"Care to enlighten your sensei?"

"Well, my sword broke when I was fighting the bastard. He went all creepy and just snapped it in half."

"Yes! That's the power of Orochimaru's cursed seal. You'll need me in order to beat it!"

"Like I was saying, Ero-Sennin, before you interrupted, the bastard broke it in half. So, first we need to pick up a replacement sword, and then we need to find a pooka werewolf."

"Umm, Naruto, you do know that pooka werewolves don't exist, right. Even normal werewolves are just a myth."

"They do to exist! Ninja told me! Ninja wouldn't lie! Well, to me anyways! He always lies to everybody else, says that is what a good ninja is supposed to do."

Maybe the brat had some hope. He realized ninja had to deal in deception. It had taken the other brat a lot longer than this to figure that out, and he never got good at it anyways. Yes, there was hope, and he, the Great Jiraiya, would once again forge a worthless orphan into a Hokage quality ninja. He was that awesome!

"Why are we here, Naruto?" Jiraiya asked. "I told you we were going out to the edge of Fire Country to practice some, so why did you disobey and run here to Wave Country? You are pretty fast after all, so you're lucky you got me as your teacher, a lower ninja couldn't have kept up."

"We're here to get a sword, Ero-Sennin."

"Brat, I thought I told you your stupid imaginary friend doesn't exist!"

Naruto thought about correcting the pervert for his disrespect towards Ninja, but decided it wasn't worth the effort. He had a sword to get. Making up his mind, he quickly jumped off in the direction of Zabuza's grave.

"Naruto! Wait!" Huff, puff. Stupid apprentice being insanely fast, the other one was just like this too! He caught up to the brat only to see him dumping soil back into the earth, a long, wrapped object at his side.

"Let's go Ero-Sennin. I got what we came for."

"Naruto. Why were you grave robbing? And what is that … thing … at your feet?"

"Zabuza's sword. My sword now."

"Huh?" Jiraiya was confused. He didn't know that missing Mist nin ever died, that Naruto apparently had a part in his death, and that out of some strange sense of honor Zabuza gifted his greatest possession to the brat with is last breath.

Stupid apprentice.

"Naruto, remind me again why I'm walking with you through some horrible forest when I could be back at that nice village we passed a couple days ago … doing research."

"Because Ero-Sennin, you finally started realizing I'm an awesome ninja, and you wanted to see me find a pooka werewolf."

"Ah, yes, that. I still don't believe they exist."

"It's okay. You'll see after we find one, and I re-forge my sword."

Wait a second, Naruto never told him this before? Re-forge the Demon of the Mist's sword. That blade was legendary! Anything his idiot student might do to it would probably only make it weaker, not stronger.

And in the past two years he had traveled with the brat, he had never even seen him use that sword. "Probably doesn't even know any proper stances, just gonna swing it around like an idiot," he mumbled.

"Quiet!" Naruto hissed. Jiraiya had never seen him so … concentrated.

"It's here," he whispered. Whipping the Cleaver off his back, Naruto silently unwrapped it, and prepared for the kill. Jiraiya blinked, confused at his apprentice, when the blonde suddenly rushed forward into a mass of bushes.

The Toad Sage followed, only to stare. His apprentice was skinning the wolf, preparing it for … something.

"Forged in the belly of a pooka werewolf," Naruto said quietly, more to himself than anyone else. Ninja would be so proud.

Jiraiya sighed. He would never live this down.

Hatake Kakashi, the great Copy Nin, was having a bad day. Well, a bad several years, to be more exact. First it started when Jiraiya left with Naruto. There had been no more Icha Icha books since then, and he was going through withdraw symptoms.

Also, Jiraiya and Naruto were late in there return to the village. Almost a month late, to be exact. And the Hokage, wanting someone to take her frustrations and worries out on, picked Kakashi. Apparently, she had the idea that he had taught Naruto that one should never be on time. Actually, she was sending him out to look for him. Him and Sakura, the remnants of Team Seven.

Speaking of which, he was several hours late for his departure. Kakashi stood up from the Memorial Stone and made his way to Konoha's main gates, where he knew Sakura would be waiting for him. He got there, fashionably late of course, only to be astounded.

The Hokage was there. And apparently his mission was canceled.

"No Kakashi, you don't have to do anything anymore. Naruto sent a messenger toad he would be back today, so I'm waiting," spoke Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage. "Apparently, he was a little late because he was picking up a present for Sakura. Ahh, young love."

Kakashi wasn't quite sure what to make of the stars in his leaders eyes, but he didn't have to worry about that, because the ground had started to tremble. Tremble like it did back when he was a student of the Fourth, and Gamabunta was brought out into battle.

Gamabunta! So Jiraiya was returning. Maybe he could finally get an explanation why there haven't been any new Icha Icha volumes these past years!

The Toad Boss faded from existence just outside the village walls, and Naruto and Jiraiya quickly jumped off its vanishing body to be greeted by their precious people.

Kakashi had to look at his old student twice to make sure it was him. He was taller, held himself with more confidence, and had a giant sword strapped to his back. Wait, Zabuza's sword was strapped to his back? Naruto picked up swordsmanship?

"Sakura!" Naruto called out. "I have a present for you."

"What, Naruto? And it doesn't matter what it is, I'm not going out on a date with you! And you're late! We agreed we were going to go find Saskue!"

"Hehe," Naruto smiled nervously. "Well, I kinda already did that," he said, pointing to the body slung over Jiraiya's shoulder.

"Oy! Ero-Sennin, bring the bastard over here."

If one were to listen carefully, they would hear the Toad Sage mumble about "Stupid, overpowered apprentices that were far too powerful for their own good." But, everyone was still gawking as they noticed Uchiha Sasuke's unconscious body.

"Well, Sakura," Naruto said happily, "I kept my promise, so I'm gonna go get some ramen. Nothing like Ichiraku's. Good to see you again, Old Lady," he said in passing as he walked pass the Hogake, who was still in too much shock to respond.

Finally, she broke out of it. "Jiraiya, what the hell happened!"

"Well, Tsunade, let's just say that I believe in pooka werewolves."

* * *

Can anyone guess what it was semi-crossed over with? No? Episode 14 of "Ask a Ninja." After all, "sure, the package says, 'Forged in the belly of a pooka werewolf.' When you're staring down forty ambidextrous succubae with flaming pikes in their hands, you want to be pretty darn certain that the naginata that you pull out wasn't formed out of PVR cans by a guy named Jingo in MooseJaw Canada."

* * *


End file.
